When Excel Meets El Clásico

As a data nerd who thinks ‘xG’ is foreplay, even my supercomputer crashes trying to compare these Ronaldos. Original R9 was basically a bug in FIFA’s code - defenders still have PTSD from his 1997 season. CR7? A relentless algorithm that upgrades itself annually (now with 500% more abs).

Cold Hard Facts:

• R9: Made Newton’s laws optional
• CR7: Turned Champions League into his personal SaaS product

Verdict? One revolutionized physics, the other redefined longevity. My regression model just blue-screened. Fight in the comments! 🤖⚽

The Statistical Tragedy of Milan

As a data analyst who crunches numbers for ESPN, I’ve seen bad beats… but this Milan event takes the cake. Burning 120 pulls and 150K coins for duplicates? That’s not RNG - that’s a financial crime!

When Math Feels Like Betrayal

The probabilities here are more suspicious than a last-minute NBA trade. 5 consecutive 10-pulls with zero featured players? Even my MLB models don’t predict disasters this accurately!

Seriously though - if Vegas sportsbooks ran odds like this, they’d be out of business by halftime. Where’s the pity timer when you need it?

[grabs spreadsheet] Alright Reddit detectives - let’s audit these drop rates! Who’s with me?